$90,000 Rolex

$90,000 Rolex

m326933-0001This morning I dreamed we gave Cameron
a $90,000 Rolex
with a broken watch band
that we’d found somewhere
and counted as our lottery win,
our ticket forward.

Yet we handed it over to Cameron
so he could marry his girl
and have his own future.

I don’t think the dream’s about dollars, though.
It could be about time.
About the 90,000 hours he’s missed of his own
this-time-around life.

Or the 90,000 beats of my heart,
within not one of which he’s been absent.

Or the 90,000 bits of bone and ash
still waiting to be scattered.

Or the exponential expanse of time
he’s now experiencing.
All the time,
not just in the world,
but in the Universe
to live in love and freedom.

Or the energy of nine, which is endings
and the magnified energy of zero,
which is eternity,
infinity,
and the real truth of his passing.

There was a day I would have handed over $90,000
or 9 times $90,000
to buy his happiness.

But happiness is an inside job,
not to be bought, but created
day by day,
heartbeat by heartbeat,
tick by tick of this $90,000 Rolex we call life.

He taught me that
through the grief of his leaving.

 

in memory of
Cameron David Perkins
4/2/1978 ~ 5/3/2004

SoulCollage® – Council Suit – Divine Unrest

SoulCollage® – Council Suit – Divine Unrest

DivineUnrest2SmallDivine Unrest is a primal seed
Planted deep within your soul
Longing to germinate and gracefully unfurl
To spread root and branch
Sprout twig and leaf
Bloom with incredible fragrance and color

Do not fear that sweet sorrowful longing
Dive into it
Deeply
Swim in its depths
Soak in its nectar
Breathe its essence more deeply into you, Beloved
So that it may guide you forward
Guide you home

The seed was planted in you
Long before you existed
Nestled in the rich field of stars
From whence you came
Descended from the original seed
The First Cause
The Love that exploded to fragment and fill Universes
Rather than to remain alone

The seed within you, Beloved
Is Love longing to express
Consciousness longing to know itself
Possibility longing to become manifest
To know this
Is to find your power

Do not fear your own shattering
Seek joyfully the emergence that follows it
The entire Universe
Awaits your unfolding