expressive art

Is Emotional Pain Necessary?

Claire dreams, grief , , ,

Is Emotional Pain Necessary?

This is the question posed by today’s NPR piece, which talks about a recent change in the American Psychiatric Association’s new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM. The proposal is to remove the “bereavement exclusion” from the guidelines for diagnosing major depression. In other words, if one’s grief is severe and lasts too long, it should be treated like depression. How long is too long? In the words of the article:

“ . . . if symptoms like these [acute upset, loss of sleep, appetite, energy and concentration] persist for more than two weeks, the bereaved person will be considered to have a mental disorder: major depression. And treatment, either therapy or medication, is recommended.”

TWO WEEKS?!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!

Are we, as a culture, so afraid of feeling the depths of our emotion that we would choose to medicate the pain of grief as soon as two weeks out from a major loss? It seems ludicrous to me.

After losing my son six years ago, my journey of grief (which I chronicle in my award-winning book The Deep Water Leaf Society) took at least TWO YEARS and in many ways continues even today. Were there days that I would have liked to take a pill and make the pain stop? Yes. And if I had, would I have learned and experienced all that I did and healed so completely? I think not. For me expressive arts, journaling and dreamwork allowed me to honor my pain, learn from it and heal by moving headlong into my pain, not running away from it.

It is the conscious journey through our grief that creates healing. In my opinion, if you stuff it down, ignore it, drown it in alcohol or happy it up with Prozac you will miss the meaning, the lessons, the growth that come from being real about how it feels. I learned more about myself and let go of more useless baggage during those two years of healing than I had in my entire life up to that point. I am a better person because of my loss and because of the very real pain it caused. Had I numbed the pain with Prozac, I know my loss would not have created the same level of positive personal transformation.

I am reminded of Kirk in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. When the mysterious mystic Syvok wants to take away everyone’s pain, Kirk is the only hold-out while everyone else is all silly with nirvanic joy. “Damn it, Bones,” says Kirk, “you’re a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don’t want my pain taken away! I need my pain!”

I’m with Kirk on this one.

It’s not that we should choose to live in the depths of that pain permanently. And certainly if someone becomes suicidal or is completely unable to function for long periods of time there may be some call for intervention. But to put an arbitrary timeframe on how long it should take to process the pain of grief is ridiculous.

TWO WEEKS?!!! I don’t think it’s we grievers who have a mental disorder. I think the authors of the DSM should have their own heads examined!

Are You a Money Magnet?

Claire abundance , ,

Are you a money magnet? Does money flow into your life easily, effortlessly and consistently? Or, does it seem like the polarity might be reversed on your money magnet so that it’s actually pushing money away?

Here’s an interesting visual exercise from my Art of Abundance workshop that can help you to check the polarity of your own money magnet. Take a look at the following images, and for each one fill in the blanks of the following sentence:

This image makes me think of __________________ and it makes me feel __________________.

 

Don’t over-think your answers, and answer honestly. Just go with your gut response to each image.

Now, look over your answers and see whether your emotional responses were primarily positive, primarily negative or about even. Which image feels most like your current relationship with money? Was your emotional response to that image positive or negative?

If most of your emotional responses are negative (lack, limits, constriction, fear, worry, anxiety, anger, hopelessness, sadness) then your money magnet may be repelling rather than attracting money into your life. If most of your emotional responses were positive (optimism, expansiveness, hope, happiness, love, humor, joy) then your money magnet is set to draw money into your life.

Why would that be true? Because you are seeing these images through your own money perception filter. The images themselves are neutral – it’s your own perception that makes them positive or negative. And the Law of Attraction tells us that our emotional state is the biggest attraction factor: positive emotions attract more positive results, negative emotions attract more negative results.

So, what can you do if your money magnet is set to repel? You can work at reframing your response to each image, especially to the one that feels most like your current money situation. Is it possible to see the image in another way? In a more positive light?

Here are a few reframes that came from my Art of Abundance students recently:

The money with the belt around it reminded one woman about her enormous student loan debt and about feeling very determined to pay it all off, tightening the money belt as much as necessary to do so. It made her feel determined, but also tense. When I asked her if she could see the image in a different, more positive light, she said the image was actually “kind of sexy” – that belt gave the dollars a real hour-glass shape. I suggested that she approach her bill paying and financial decision-making by thinking about how sexy it was to be in control of her money and how cutting back here and there financially was a bit like dieting to create a healthy, sexy  financial body.

For another woman, the man and woman tugging on the dollar sign reminded her of stronger, more powerful people taking money away from the more needy and deserving. It made her feel frustrated in her charity fund-raising work. I suggested that the man and woman could be seen as dancing with money or laughing over money rather than fighting over it. If she brought the idea of dancing and laughing into her fund-raising efforts, maybe it would stop feeling like such a struggle.

Granted, if your habitual money responses are primarily negative, shifting your money magnet into attraction mode may not happen over night. But by consciously working at reframing negative responses to money, you can turn the tide and learn to become a powerful money magnet.