You want to fix me . . .

This is PART THREE of a series. To start from the beginning, go here.

This is an excerpt from The Deep Water Leaf Society: Harnessing the Transformative Power of Grief (copyright 2008, Claire M. Perkins. All Rights Reserved.)

from chapter 13: Voices from the Big Wave

(I am highlighting one of these dialogues in each post of this series. The questions of the dominant hand are noted (DH) and the answers of the images, transcribed by my non-dominant hand, are noted (NDH).)

5/24/04 Dialogue with Black & White Image of Boy Getting a Shot

Me (DH): Dear little boy in the black & white, who are you?

Boy (NDH): You want to fix me. But I am who I am.

(DH): Do you have a name?

(NDH): Sorrow

(DH): Your name is sorrow?

(NDH): Yes.

(DH): How do you feel?

(NDH): Sad. Scared. Alone.

(DH): Why do you feel so sad, scared and alone?

(NDH): It is who I am.

(DH): Why were you born to me?

(NDH): To crack open your heart.

(DH): What can I do for you?

(NDH): Feel me. Don’t shut me out. Don’t “fix” me – I am not broken.

(DH): What gift or wisdom do you bring to me?

(NDH): The painful side of love is a purifying grace.

I had spent my whole life trying to “fix” Cameron, and through this dialogue I felt he was telling me he’d never been broken. But I was also getting the message that there was nothing broken in me, even though I was feeling the deepest sorrow of my life. It seemed to be telling me that these most painful emotions, if I chose to experience rather than fix them, would be the doorway to a more open heart.

to be continued . . .

As always, I welcome your comments here or by email (

Visit my website:

Leave a Reply